Dan Thiessen

Dan was adopted at the age of 1 by a family of alpacas during the golden age when alpacas were legally able to adopt humans. After they taught him everything they knew about life, he left them at the age of 7 and joined a traveling band of senile garden gnomes who educated him in the ancient art of kazoo. Though he was technically too tall to fit in their mushroom-sized homes, Dan was given honorary gnome status and a tiny pointy hat he still wears to this day. By the time Dan was 14, he had mastered juggling, but not the way most people do it. He juggled chairs. After becoming a local sensation, he realized the chairs were a metaphor for his life—constantly balancing chaos, with the inevitable tumbles reminding him that nothing stays steady forever. At age 20, Dan discovered his musical talent—by accidentally hitting a perfect C-sharp while sneezing into a harmonica. That served as a canon event in his life, and he proceeded to find comfort through music. Then he put out some songs.